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Thread: Odd ways you've been approached by the opposite sex

  1. #1
    eFamous Senior Member
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    Default Odd ways you've been approached by the opposite sex

    A friend and I went to Chili's today to pick up an order. As we were walking out, a girl knocked on the window to get my friend's attention and held up a paper with her phone number written in crayon. He said that's by far the weirdest way a girl has ever given him her number. This surprised me because, as I'm sure a number of you realize by now, way weirder **** happens to me. But it seemed funnier to me the more I thought about it, and it gave me the idea for this thread.

    This thread is not meant to be debate on whether it's okay for a guy to wait to be approached or asked out instead of being the hunter. I've grown exhausted of the topic in other circles. This thread is for sharing your own personal experiences with such.

    The first and probably weirdest moment that comes to mind happened when I was working at a cell phone repair shop. But I'll start with a different encounter that happened at the same place and around the same time.

    A very cute young girl (18 as of the previous month) came in to have something fixed on her physically-damaged HTC POS 6800. I had to order a replacement phone because I didn't have parts for it. And the model was on backorder. And we had no loaner phones. And it was going to cost her $119 because Sprint had weird prices then. And it was out of warranty so I couldn't say it was a warranty-covered defect and get the cost covered. And she was ineligible for upgrade pricing. And we had no used phones for sale. And at the time we had a corporate service center area rep who was a very stingy d-bag and would not let us give out new phones from store stock except for in situations with very specific qualifications that she did not meet. She looked pissed and just kept saying "okay" as I was explaining all of this to her. After I finished, she stood there silently for an uncomfortably long time before saying, "If you're going to dry-**** me in the ass, can you at least buy me dinner?" I had fun on and off with her for about 3 months.

    One of our regulars was a lady (I think?) in her 60s with a bleach blonde wig, huge fake tits and a face that looked like a rubber mask. GIS "scary botox face" to get an idea. She also had broad shoulders and big arms and would often show off pictures from when she used to be a bodybuilder. She would regularly harass male customers, ask couples if they were swingers, tell us all about unfortunate guys she had met, so on and so forth. We put up with her because she spent a lot of money with us and she drove a badass AMG.

    Unlike most service centers that have a tech room in the back where the repairs take place, this one had no such accommodation and we did repairs in front of customers at the counter. As I was replacing the LCD on her phone, here are some of the things she said to me:

    "God, you have the patience of a saint and the hands of a surgeon. Thinking about your fingers inside of me.. I hope this isn't offending you; I'm just being honest. You seem like the type of guy who gives a lot of attention to detail. I bet you're incredible with foreplay."
    "I love your eyelashes. They're so long! If you were my boyfriend, and we were laying in bed -- you know, just messing around -- I would lay on top of you and draw on your face."
    "You have some really great features. Your eyebrows are very pretty, and you have lips like a bugle player. I want to bite them. Not hard, you know. Just, like, to be playful."
    "My boyfriend's not always around, so we could have some fun. Just give me a call. You've got my account pulled up, right? I'm sure my number's on there. Nothing serious, nothing complicated, just fun."
    "If I had a daughter I'd want her to date you so I could steal you away from her whenever we have a mother-daughter fight. It's incredible to hear how some girls talk to their mothers. You know they wouldn't be so disrespectful if they had to worry about losing their boyfriends."
    "I'm going to draw some eyeliner on you. Not right now, but in bed one night or whenever. I don't think you should wear eyeliner but it'd be fun to put it on for you."

    2 years later, co-workers were still laughing about it.

    I have more but I'm tired of typing.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    trash hole ha ha jokes on u cuz im polishing my crest kids oral hygiene trophy right now. maybe if they invented a pillow case that cleans ur teeth when u bite it u would have a clean mouth too. get on my fukcin level.

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    Ah jeez I love your posts. I'll have to contribute when I have time to write up a few stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Dyndrilliac View Post
    Seriously, I have done a lot of drugs. A lot of ****ing drugs. I would snort a line of cocaine off a piss stained urinal in some truck-stop dive with my closest friends and family looking on in disgust before I took anything from somebody I didn't know and trust. That's just ****ing dumb.

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    This one time this cute asian waitress at a local thai restraunt was flirting with me and I ended up with her number on a small slip of paper inside my fortune cookie. That was a little weird. I will throw up more later possibly.
    Blind belief in authority is the greatest enemy of truth. - Albert Einstein

    Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

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    Once upon a time, I didn't know how to talk to girls. I wasn't shy as much as I just didn't know how to pick up on signs. Actually that's an understatement; I wouldn't have known a girl was interested in me unless she told me so in plain English, and even then it might have taken me weeks to ask her out.

    During that time, a very attractive girl got hired at the place I worked at and she was flirting with me pretty much right off the bat. When I didn't respond to that, she came on stronger and stronger, even as far as staying late off the clock 2 hours after her shift ended so she could be there with me when I was normally by myself, and she dropped not-so-subtle hints the whole time. I didn't pay it any mind. Finally, she got frustrated and asked me if I was gay. When I said no, she started ferociously humping the back of my chair with me sitting in it, knocking stuff off my desk and yelling, with each word landing on a hip thrust, "THEN. WHY. WON'T. YOU. TAKE. ME. ON. A. DATE!!!" Then she spun my chair around and glared at me face-to-face. It was terrifying.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    trash hole ha ha jokes on u cuz im polishing my crest kids oral hygiene trophy right now. maybe if they invented a pillow case that cleans ur teeth when u bite it u would have a clean mouth too. get on my fukcin level.

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    Cool story bro. Seriously thought.

    You shoulda been like:

    Ohhh thats what that annoyingly stalkish behaviour of yours is all about, I get it now. Actually now that you mention it, penis does sound wonderful, so yeah, srry!

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    Funny you should mention that - she had been arrested prior to that for battery and stalking. I didn't discover that until after I noticed that she was sitting in her car outside of my house for hours at a time. She did some creepy things with Lindsay later on, as well.

    Speaking of creepers, I have more stories.

    In middle school, I went to our district's honors band event (LOLNERD) with a few fellow geeks, one of which being an Indian girl a grade below me who had a crush on me. She was following me around like my shadow all day and accidentally followed me into the men's bathroom. Twice. As you can imagine if you've ever gone to public school in your life, that story rolled like a snowball for years. She didn't seem to mind the rumors and I think she even started to believe them a little bit. When I was 16, she left a thick book of hand-written letters and poetry on my car. Most of it was omg-I-love-you-let's-hold-hands type ****. Some of it was actually pretty damn dirty for a sheltered 15-year-old. And then there was stuff that read like a serial killer's manifesto. She wasn't attractive but the raunchy stuff gave me a boner. But then I found out she left books on a couple other guys' cars, too. What a whore.

    I worked with an obnoxious Mexican girl a couple years ago. I couldn't stand her but it was funny watching her get damn near blackout drunk at work and think that no one knew she was drinking. Alcoholism is hilarious. She'd often try to have those drunk rambling bonding moments with me and sometimes would get grabby, which wasn't that cool because she looked like Maria on Eastbound & Down. She professed her undying, drunk Mexican love for me at the company Christmas party and read a few lines of the love letter she wrote in front of everyone. There was an awkward silence afterwards and then people started clapping. It was fantastic. The moment, I mean. The letter was childish and creepy. I told her I'd drive her home but I ended up leaving with a cougar. Drunky said she woke up in the bed of her truck parked in a neighbor's yard the next morning. She was fired shortly thereafter for drinking on the job.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    trash hole ha ha jokes on u cuz im polishing my crest kids oral hygiene trophy right now. maybe if they invented a pillow case that cleans ur teeth when u bite it u would have a clean mouth too. get on my fukcin level.

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    I don't know if this counts as being 'approached' per se, but someone's got to post in this thread so here's my Monday morning phone conversation with an ex.

    Me: What.
    Her: Hm!
    Me: What?
    Her: Let me tell you why you should marry me.
    Me: ...What?
    Her: If you marry someone else, they might not know you're a jerk until after you're married. Then you'll get divorced. But I already know you're a jerk!
    Me: It's four in the ****ing morning.
    Her: Ha ha! I bet you thought this was an EMERGENCY! Help me, Jamanuel, help me!
    Me: No...
    Her: Help me, help me! You thought I was a demsel in distress! Come saaaave me!
    Me: If you were dying of thirst, I wouldn't let you lick the sweat from my balls.
    Her: Oh, that...that's terrible.
    Me: You're right, I'm sorry. You can lick them.
    (end)
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    trash hole ha ha jokes on u cuz im polishing my crest kids oral hygiene trophy right now. maybe if they invented a pillow case that cleans ur teeth when u bite it u would have a clean mouth too. get on my fukcin level.

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    One time a bitch offered to blow me for a dubsack of heroin when I was on deck with an ounce of it. I told that bitch to go suck someone else's dick for $20 and buy a dubsack with the money.

    MONEY OVER BITCHES ALL DAY

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    Think for yourself. Question authority.
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    20$ for a bj? **** dude thats cheap, she doesnt need to be pretty to give good head.
    Quote Originally Posted by arcanise View Post
    Never listen to me or credit anything i say because im a troll and no one likes me.
    Quote Originally Posted by dt View Post
    True. Can't make anything on my own, can't win any games without hacks. I leech all day, I have even downloaded a hack by Promasser once.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandman View Post
    So, yeah, banged Lindsay's mom.

  10. #10
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    Bitches sucking dick for drugs isn't odd, fgt. A straight guy will suck dick if he's hurting enough. Speaking of which, that scene in Basketball Diaries was bull****. Making it seem like the low point for Leo's character was letting a dude pay him to polish his sausage made me LOL. If they wanted to properly convey hitting rock bottom, they would've flipped those two rolls. It's not like the thought of Dicaprio s-ing the d to score some smack would be entirely unbelievable. You should have made that ho go ass-to-ass dildo with another chick like in Requiem and posted the video here.

    On topic:
    A highly annoying girl has been coming into the store I work in pretty much every day I'm working here. 20 years old, kinda chubby, very plain, has a weird face with no jawline. She doesn't come in any other time so someone must've told her my schedule. Her M.O. involves picking my brain with questions about phones, carriers, rooting, mods, etc., and then she talks just to talk when she runs out of questions. Some days she hangs out for hours and it ****ing sucks because she doesn't shut up. I figured maybe she just needed the words ****ed out of her so I offered to come over to her place and give her some lessons. Completely unresponsive. So the past few days she has came in I ignored her for the most part, which didn't really stop her from talking at length. When she came in this morning, she told me her boyfriend (first time telling me she had one) is starting to get a bit jealous because she's spending so much time here. I suggested that she start spending more time with him to alleviate his suspicions. She replied, "Or we can lock the doors and have a quickie since he thinks I'm doing it, anyway." She said it to sound like she was joking but she was looking at me like she was gauging my reaction. Unfortunately we have 8 cameras with mics so I had to offer a rain check. I'm thinking she'll either feel a little awkward about coming in and will stop, or I'll get to mount handlebars on her lower back. I don't mind either way.





    Bonus story due to excellent timing:
    I was off yesterday but I came in for a little while to bring some DVDs to Lindsay. While I was here, a female acquaintance of hers came in and Lindsay introduced us. After BSing for a while she said she'd give me $10 to take her to Kohl's and then to her place close by. I did, and quickly found out she's kind of a stupid bitch with terrible taste. I had no interest in drilling her so I let my natural self come out. She seemed like a good sport at least and we just talked **** to each other about various things. My balls started itching fiercely so I apologized in advance and tried to discreetly scratch them. She scolded me and told me not to scratch my 'own' balls in public. So, I grabbed her hand and tried to relieve the itch with her fingers, so that I wasn't scratching my own balls. She was not amused. A bad scene almost ensued. I smoothed things over with an apology but she was silent for the ride to her place except for telling me where to turn, and she got out of the car without saying anything. Still got my $10, though.

    Today, as I was typing this post, Lindsay texted me and said "Armpit Girl" was asking for my number. I asked who that is. Turns out it's the title that girl had earned for herself by having a 3-way with two guys. While one was banging her, the other tried to put it in her mouth. She didn't want to do that so she put lotion in her armpit and let the guy use that, instead. So, of course I told Lindsay to give her my number.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    trash hole ha ha jokes on u cuz im polishing my crest kids oral hygiene trophy right now. maybe if they invented a pillow case that cleans ur teeth when u bite it u would have a clean mouth too. get on my fukcin level.

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    lmao you're hilarious
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    At my place of business, when someone pays with a card they must sign the receipt. There is a tip line there, although everyone ignores it, until one female decided it would be fun to put her phone number there. Sadly, she was too young and I don't want to be labeled a pedophile.

    My manager didn't like that I tried to put a 7,000,000 dollar tip into the register either.

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    well you did sign for it... if only jewboy
    Quote Originally Posted by arcanise View Post
    Never listen to me or credit anything i say because im a troll and no one likes me.
    Quote Originally Posted by dt View Post
    True. Can't make anything on my own, can't win any games without hacks. I leech all day, I have even downloaded a hack by Promasser once.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandman View Post
    So, yeah, banged Lindsay's mom.

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    Another early morning phone call from the ex with another marriage proposal. This time I was already awake!

    Me: What.
    Her: I'm depressed.
    Me: Sorry.
    Her: I don't know how to get out of this rut I've been in.
    Me: I don't know what to tell you.
    Her: All my money goes to my bills. I can't afford to take a day off. I'm miserable. I'm bitter. No one likes to be around me. The only guys I attract are ****. Drug dealers living a temporary lifestyle. Just ****!
    Me: You mean you're attracted to ****.
    Her: No! I don't want that! And they buzz around me like flies!
    Me: I think you're confusing what you want with what you need.
    Her: No, I know what I want and I have a plan.
    Me: Ok. Sounds good.
    Her: You haven't heard the plan yet.
    Me: I'm sure it's a good plan.
    Her: First, I'm going to eat some humble pie and move back in with my parents. Then, I'm going to go back to work at the club and save my money and not live that lifestyle.
    Me: Good plan.
    Her: Then, I'm going to go to school for education. I want to be a teacher. (then something about how she likes kids blah blah)
    Me: Sounds good.
    Her: Then, once I've got myself together, and you've got yourself together, we're going to get married.
    Me: Oh?
    Her: I want six kids. Six nerd kids. They're all going to be named after computers. Dell, Mac, Windows, um...Adell. People will ask her, "Are you named after Adele the singer?" And she'll be like, "No, I'm named after a Dell."
    Me: If you name a boy Microsoft, he better be hung like a horse.
    Her: Yeah, that's not a good one. Apple, Intel, Samsung...
    Me: Those kids are going to get the **** beat out of them.
    Her: No, because we'll give the oldest boy a tough name and he'll be their protector. What's a tough name?
    Me: Sue.
    Her: No, for a boy.
    Me: Sue.
    Her: That ain't no goddamned boy name!
    Me: Arturius.
    Her: That sounds Spanish. People will ask, "Are you Spanish?" And he'll say, "No, but my daddy looks Spanish!" Ha-HAAAA!! (loud cackling)
    Me: I don't get it.
    Her: (still laughing)
    Me: Well, sounds like you've got it all figured out. Good luck with all that.
    Her: Don't act like you're not part of this plan, 'cause you are!
    Me: I'm going to sleep.
    Her: We're going to have a big house and six kids and a grill and I'm going to make you wear one of those cheesey aprons that say "world's greatest chef" or "kiss the cook" and...
    (end)

    I need to hire someone to check in on me every couple years or so, and, if I have a kid named Dell or Adell, kill me.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    trash hole ha ha jokes on u cuz im polishing my crest kids oral hygiene trophy right now. maybe if they invented a pillow case that cleans ur teeth when u bite it u would have a clean mouth too. get on my fukcin level.

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    I love the boy named Sue reference.

    For those that don't get it (like this female) .

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    Quote Originally Posted by JeweyK View Post
    I love the boy named Sue reference.

    For those that don't get it (like this female) .
    I'm curious, how do you seem to understand every reference? Do you practice references?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandman View Post
    I need to hire someone to check in on me every couple years or so, and, if I have a kid named Dell or Adell, kill me.
    Just be sure not to get back together with her and you're done.

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    Quote Originally Posted by stopthe_bomb View Post
    I'm curious, how do you seem to understand every reference? Do you practice references?
    Johnny Cash is an amazing individual. His music is amazing, and his life was fabulous. Truly an inspiration (minus all the drug stuff).

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