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Thread: Conversations with my roommate

  1. #881
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    Lindsay came in the store I work at while my dad was hanging out and didn't stay long because he was glaring at her. I can't leave when I work by myself and didn't bring food because she promised she'd bring me some.

    Butthole Bargaining

    Lindsay: Omg.
    James:
    Lindsay: I felt so weird with him there I think he hates me.
    James: Yeah, he blames you for the fires in Colorado
    Lindsay: What? Lol.
    James: He says things like women with tattoos angers God and he shows his anger with fire
    Lindsay: Oh no!
    James: And he had an interesting theory about China taking over the US
    James: Which is real bad because China worships the dragon which is Satan
    James: That's why the US isn't mentioned in Revelations, because we will be China by then
    Lindsay: That sux.
    James: I actually said that last part but he mostly agreed with me
    James: He did have a good idea of installing a remote door lock and having a camera outside
    James: So we can screen customers and not let suspicious looking characters in
    Lindsay: Oh wow.
    James: I want that for when someone pulls up and it takes them 5 mins just to get their army of kids out
    James: Nope, sorry, not letting you in with all those annoying kids
    Lindsay: Yeah that would be goof.
    Lindsay: Good*
    James: I will need food soon
    Lindsay: ok
    Lindsay: My car is overheating now. Ahhhhhh I wanna kill it!!!
    James: God's setting it on fire because you have tattoos
    Lindsay: Ahh dammit!
    James: A girl just asked me if she could dry her phone out in the microwave since they 'target the water particles'
    James: I wanted to say yes but I didn't
    Lindsay: Well she's dumb.
    Lindsay: Let me have ur car!
    James: Ok but you have to make the payments
    Lindsay: Can we work something out?
    James: You're not getting my car
    Lindsay: Come on Ty!!!
    Lindsay: I just wanna borrow it for errands on days u work. Can I do that?
    James: Yes for $25 a day plus gas
    Lindsay: What? That's bull****!
    James: And your kids aren't allowed near it
    Lindsay: Come on I'm serious
    James: Go borrow someone else's if you don't like my prices and conditions
    Lindsay: What if I rub my butt on u.
    James: It might generate static electricity?
    Lindsay: What r u talkingm married now so hats the only sexual thing ill do.
    Lindsay: I'm married I mean
    James: No thanks
    James: Maybe if you let me and 8 other guys do some butt funnel bukkake
    Lindsay: No!
    James: I've wondered if that's a real thing but I don't want to look it up
    Lindsay: Idk
    Lindsay: Ill show u my bootyhole.
    James: I love that you just said that
    Lindsay: So is thatr ok?
    James: No I just think you're hilarious
    Lindsay: Well I'm serious.
    Lindsay: Come on ill wash it for u!!!
    James: I would hope you wash it before showing it to people
    Lindsay: I mean ur car dorkus.
    James: You can take my car to go get me some food
    Lindsay: Ok and I can keep it for the day?
    Lindsay: Till u leave work
    James: Nope
    Lindsay: Well f u Ty f u
    James: I'm hungry
    Lindsay: I'm say
    Lindsay: Sry*
    James: I need you to hunt and gather food for me
    Lindsay: I will walt a min
    James: The smoke shop is closed so I can't even get junk food
    Lindsay: I said I will dammit u just wait
    Lindsay: What u want? U have cash?
    James: Yes, spicy chicken box from checkers and whatever you want for yourself, I'll buy
    Lindsay: K if my car makes it
    James: ETA?
    James: Haven't seen a big blue boat drive by yet...
    Lindsay: Coming
    James: Should I call Domino's
    James: You are doing this on purpose
    James: Ordering Digino's
    Lindsay: K
    James: Actually I'm on hunger strike to protest you being a bitch
    Lindsay: I'm sry kids r being horrible and me and Gary got in a big fight.
    James: Who won?
    Lindsay: He's being a ****ing prick Ty I can't ask my own husband for nothing. Done done and done!
    James: Did you tell him you'd show him your butthole if he gives you whatever you're asking for?
    Lindsay: No he blows up over ever little thing and I'm sick off it. We can't talk like normal people
    Lindsay: He acts like I just want yo take his money.
    James: Dang doesn't that make you angry and want to just get in your car and drive away?
    Lindsay: I need some me time and never get any.
    James: You can get some you time in your car
    James: On the way to checkers
    Lindsay: No cause j have to take the girls.
    James: Nah just tie them up or put them in kennels or something
    Lindsay: No.
    James: Goddammit
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    so i was lookin at this forum and realized that the few ppl still lingering here trying to defibrillate this ol dusty place are kinda like hobos using an abandoned church for shelter, hoping that their god who hath abandoned them still checks in on his old stomping grounds from time to time. well my unwashed friends, keep those trash fires burning cause life without me is a dark, cold, confusing hell. the warmth of salvation lies only in PURE FIRE™. and though my amazing posts are many, the worthy are few.

  2. #882
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    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69 View Post
    i have righted my dong
    Quote Originally Posted by 707
    That's how you do it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dew View Post
    Just to correct you. You can't act smart if you is smart. You can be a dumb **** if you are a dumb ****. Just something I should school you on.
    Safdouche [2:20 AM]: btw your twin totally said I was cute
    Safdouche [2:20 AM]: tee hee
    Safdouche [2:20 AM]: ARRRRGH
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  3. #883
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    I've heard of people doing it and heard people suggest or ask about it several times, but I've only seen 2 microwaved phones in person. The first one said she didn't think there was any metal in the phone. The second blamed her kid, but the word "her" clues us in on the real culprit. The great thing about the girl mentioned in that conversation was that she was trying to pull off the cute nerd look and sound clever with her "they only target the water particles" claim. Adorable.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    so i was lookin at this forum and realized that the few ppl still lingering here trying to defibrillate this ol dusty place are kinda like hobos using an abandoned church for shelter, hoping that their god who hath abandoned them still checks in on his old stomping grounds from time to time. well my unwashed friends, keep those trash fires burning cause life without me is a dark, cold, confusing hell. the warmth of salvation lies only in PURE FIRE™. and though my amazing posts are many, the worthy are few.

  4. #884
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    Well, it makes sense. Why else would they call it microwaves?
    Quote Originally Posted by Voice Of Korhal View Post
    Let us hope so, if that Reverse Engineering crap actually works, I'll be amazed.

  5. #885
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    Because you get to wave good bye to your phone when it explodes.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69 View Post
    i have righted my dong
    Quote Originally Posted by 707
    That's how you do it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dew View Post
    Just to correct you. You can't act smart if you is smart. You can be a dumb **** if you are a dumb ****. Just something I should school you on.
    Safdouche [2:20 AM]: btw your twin totally said I was cute
    Safdouche [2:20 AM]: tee hee
    Safdouche [2:20 AM]: ARRRRGH
    http://www.hipsterhandbook.com/
    ___________________________________
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  6. #886
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    Set on Fat

    Lindsay: Yr a bitch.
    James: That's not nice
    Lindsay: What r u doing Ty?
    James: Working on a laptop
    Lindsay: At the store ?
    James: It was closer than home and I was going to root Amber's phone anyway

    Lindsay then called me to scream at me for rooting a co-worker's phone but not hers even though she asked me to "47 times". I thought she was kidding but she came in for her shift being super bitchy and throwing random trash from her purse at me, so I left.

    Lindsay: Oh so u couldn't hang out with me? Ok that's cool that makes me feel better about the situation.
    James: You pelted me with tictacs and told me to **** off.
    Lindsay: (1/2) James u have to understand why I was mad. I asked u so many times and u blew me off every time. And then I feel as though as u and amber are all buddy bud
    Lindsay: (2/2) dy now and trays why u do that for her. It hurt my feelings.
    Lindsay: But I originally wanted to see if u had lunch.
    James: I told you yours is much harder to do and there's a good chance I'd brick it and I didn't want to risk that
    Lindsay: What no u didn't when did u tell me that??
    James: A few times but you always zone out when I start speaking nerd

    (I didn't actually tell her that. I just naturally block her out when she asks me to do stuff. Also, Lindsay is addicted to Tic-Tacs and literally eats about 7 boxes a day. That has nothing to do with this conversation but I think it's funny.)

    Lindsay: Well where r u?
    James: Home
    Lindsay: Well u better cone back
    James: No
    Lindsay: Why?
    James: Maybe after I'm done dropping off the laptop
    Lindsay: Will u bring food?
    James: No
    Lindsay: Really because u hurt my feelings and I'm hungry.
    James: My feelings were hurt as well so we're even
    Lindsay: Shut up!
    Lindsay: Food! Now!!!
    James: No
    Lindsay: I'm going to cry.... :'(
    James: Make yourself a shake with the protein powder in the back
    Lindsay: No!
    James: It's chocolate peanut butter
    Lindsay: How do I do it?
    James: Put a scoop or 2 in a cup, add water and stir it
    James: Or make a funnel with paper and put it in a bottle and shake it up
    Lindsay: That sounds disgusting.
    James: It tastes fine
    Lindsay: I hate water!
    James: And that's why you're fat, fatty
    Lindsay: I'm going to set u on fine.
    James: I'm already set on fine. You're set on fat.
    Lindsay: Fire* and I hate u...
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    so i was lookin at this forum and realized that the few ppl still lingering here trying to defibrillate this ol dusty place are kinda like hobos using an abandoned church for shelter, hoping that their god who hath abandoned them still checks in on his old stomping grounds from time to time. well my unwashed friends, keep those trash fires burning cause life without me is a dark, cold, confusing hell. the warmth of salvation lies only in PURE FIRE™. and though my amazing posts are many, the worthy are few.

  7. #887

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    its still going yay!!

    James: You pelted me with tictacs and told me to **** off.

    :D i could not stop LOLing at that until you kept calling her fat, thats kind of mean :(

  8. #888
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    She's not really fat but she complains that she is all the time. I just agree with her rather than argue. Not like she's developing an eating disorder because of it.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    so i was lookin at this forum and realized that the few ppl still lingering here trying to defibrillate this ol dusty place are kinda like hobos using an abandoned church for shelter, hoping that their god who hath abandoned them still checks in on his old stomping grounds from time to time. well my unwashed friends, keep those trash fires burning cause life without me is a dark, cold, confusing hell. the warmth of salvation lies only in PURE FIRE™. and though my amazing posts are many, the worthy are few.

  9. #889
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    Breaking Bad > vagina

    Courtney: (1/2) So i told my parents i went to my friends house yesterday and one said you better stop going over there or she's going to get jealous with you..... and
    Courtney: (2/2) the other one said stop going over to ppl house.
    Me: Jealous of what
    Courtney: Shes engaged
    Courtney: I want to go home now
    Courtney: Come over
    Me: Breaking Bad in 15 minutes
    Courtney: Huh
    Courtney: Thats what you're about to watch
    Me: Yeah last episode of the year
    Courtney: I'm in need so come take care of me and watch your show later
    Me: Are you crazy
    Courtney: Lol...o well you enjoy that
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    so i was lookin at this forum and realized that the few ppl still lingering here trying to defibrillate this ol dusty place are kinda like hobos using an abandoned church for shelter, hoping that their god who hath abandoned them still checks in on his old stomping grounds from time to time. well my unwashed friends, keep those trash fires burning cause life without me is a dark, cold, confusing hell. the warmth of salvation lies only in PURE FIRE™. and though my amazing posts are many, the worthy are few.

  10. #890
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    I don't have hardly any of these fun conversations with Lindsay anymore for lots of reasons. She has grown up quite a bit, has a fairly stable life, prefers to call rather than text, and we're both busy. Also I've killed off my social life almost entirely so I don't have much to add to this thread on this mostly dead website. But Lindsay told me about a girl she knows and the story, while short, is such a great indicator of the class of people that live on her side of town that I have to share.

    She ran into this acquaintance of hers somewhere and the girl was crying, hopeless, confused, under the influence, etc. She told Lindsay that her boyfriend had just gotten locked up and that the police found his lab. The boyfriend had his underage ex-girlfriend with him when he was arrested, though I don't know if they were at the lab or what. All I could find in the news was a story about a mobile meth lab bust a few days ago (click), but no other details. So this guy is most likely going away for a long time. The girl said she was going to get his DOC # tattooed on her that night, and started to say something about her kid but stopped to ask Lindsay if she or anyone she knows had a used wedding dress for sale. This woman is around 30 years old and works as a nurse at an assisted living facility where she has access to meds and medical supplies.



    Just let all of that sink in. Take it in slowly and savor. Lake County, FL, folks.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    so i was lookin at this forum and realized that the few ppl still lingering here trying to defibrillate this ol dusty place are kinda like hobos using an abandoned church for shelter, hoping that their god who hath abandoned them still checks in on his old stomping grounds from time to time. well my unwashed friends, keep those trash fires burning cause life without me is a dark, cold, confusing hell. the warmth of salvation lies only in PURE FIRE™. and though my amazing posts are many, the worthy are few.

  11. #891
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    I think we need an update on Lindsay, are you kids married yet?

  12. #892
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    She got married to the retard with the gold teeth and had another kid. That went okay-ish for about a year. Then she started to mature more and realized he's not going to do the same. Lots of drama ensued. They are separated now. Her and I still hang out and bang whenever our schedules allow for it.

    I had another lady roommate last year. I kicked her out because she was a slob and did a bunch of dumb things and had an attitude problem. Maybe I will tell some stories about her when I get some time.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    so i was lookin at this forum and realized that the few ppl still lingering here trying to defibrillate this ol dusty place are kinda like hobos using an abandoned church for shelter, hoping that their god who hath abandoned them still checks in on his old stomping grounds from time to time. well my unwashed friends, keep those trash fires burning cause life without me is a dark, cold, confusing hell. the warmth of salvation lies only in PURE FIRE™. and though my amazing posts are many, the worthy are few.

  13. #893

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    Looking forward to reading the shit you put up with before kicking her out.

  14. #894
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    Her offenses were:

    Pooping with the door open.

    Generally being a slob - leaving food, trash, dirty dishes etc everywhere.

    Used my ceramic stove top as a cutting board.

    Pouting like a kid whenever I asked her to do/not do things, sulking off to her room and then loudly complaining to her friends on the phone about how mean I am.

    Being an alcoholic and drinking all the booze in the house.

    She was CONSTANTLY on the phone, which wasn't much of a problem by itself, but the fact that she's a drunk on top of being distracted by the phone meant that she was constantly absent mindedly doing dumb shit, like:

    Throwing away flatware. I had a really nice, high end restaurant quality set and started realizing I was missing a bunch of spoons. When I questioned her she got all defensive and pouty. Then I found a plastic food container in the trash with a spoon in it. Then I hid the flatware and told her she had to buy her own and she threw a tantrum. Oh and she kept buying reusable food containers and throwing them away after one use because she was too lazy to wash them, but that's her money so whatever.

    Dairy products made her horribly gassy but she consumed them anyway.

    Raiding my fridge and eating lunches that I'd prepare the night before, but then throwing a bitch fit if I'd eat anything of hers.

    Being late on the rent every month but constantly buying new shoes, fuckloads of makeup, etc.

    She hit my stonework mailbox with her car when she came home drunk, twice, and had a toddler tantrum both of the times she asked me to pay for her insurance deductible and I refused. No damage to the mailbox at least.

    Letting a random bar hookup stay in my house unsupervised without my knowledge for 2 days.

    And when she left she stole my rice cooker.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    so i was lookin at this forum and realized that the few ppl still lingering here trying to defibrillate this ol dusty place are kinda like hobos using an abandoned church for shelter, hoping that their god who hath abandoned them still checks in on his old stomping grounds from time to time. well my unwashed friends, keep those trash fires burning cause life without me is a dark, cold, confusing hell. the warmth of salvation lies only in PURE FIRE™. and though my amazing posts are many, the worthy are few.

  15. #895

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    Christ lol. You have way more patience than I do.
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    Never listen to me or credit anything i say because im a troll and no one likes me.
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    True. Can't make anything on my own, can't win any games without hacks. I leech all day, I have even downloaded a hack by Promasser once.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandman View Post
    So, yeah, banged Lindsay's mom.

  16. #896

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    awww!!

    From the way you write, you have subconsciously prioritize the following :

    - ceramic stove
    - high end restaurant quality set
    - stonework mailbox
    - Rice cooker

    Didn't know you're a kitchen person. : )

    Hehe, is it a just second property for renting and serving as a bonus income? Not sure why you invest on the stoves and rice cooker.. If it's your home, do get a nice wife who will look after the stove and rice cooker together.

    Does dt cook? I don't think dt knows how to cook...

  17. #897
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    In my defense, the booty was nice
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    so i was lookin at this forum and realized that the few ppl still lingering here trying to defibrillate this ol dusty place are kinda like hobos using an abandoned church for shelter, hoping that their god who hath abandoned them still checks in on his old stomping grounds from time to time. well my unwashed friends, keep those trash fires burning cause life without me is a dark, cold, confusing hell. the warmth of salvation lies only in PURE FIRE™. and though my amazing posts are many, the worthy are few.

  18. #898
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandman View Post
    In my defense, the booty was nice
    Pics or it's not true.

  19. #899
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    This!

    Lol at the dariry
    Quote Originally Posted by jpheonix View Post
    i have a form of dyslexia that hinders my ability to scout and macro at the same time.

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    I have no pics :( and I just remembered her worst offense. she liked watching scary movies with me but she refused to watch the 1st Alien because she thought it was lame bullshit for white nerds and said Sigourney Weaver looked like a man.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    so i was lookin at this forum and realized that the few ppl still lingering here trying to defibrillate this ol dusty place are kinda like hobos using an abandoned church for shelter, hoping that their god who hath abandoned them still checks in on his old stomping grounds from time to time. well my unwashed friends, keep those trash fires burning cause life without me is a dark, cold, confusing hell. the warmth of salvation lies only in PURE FIRE™. and though my amazing posts are many, the worthy are few.

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