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Thread: Conversations with my roommate

  1. #601
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    MOAR!
    [Polie]: I was having sex when you im'd me
    [Polie]: "SC2"
    [Polie]: I was like "bitch get off"
    [707]: rofl


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  2. #602
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    So when are you getting a tv show?
    "A Responsible Citizen Not Only Shares Culture, But Destroys The Copyright Industries"

    "Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a quality that decides between success and failure. "
    "It Don't Mean a Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing)"
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  3. #603

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    Quote Originally Posted by gamepin126 View Post
    So when are you getting a tv show?
    Moar! plus where the vid? :P

  4. #604
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    Having dinner with her mom tonight. She bought me a fat ribeye and a lobster tail she's going to cook for me.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    trash hole ha ha jokes on u cuz im polishing my crest kids oral hygiene trophy right now. maybe if they invented a pillow case that cleans ur teeth when u bite it u would have a clean mouth too. get on my fukcin level.

  5. #605
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    It would be epic if you boned her mom. Even if she's ugly, I'd do it just to piss off, Lindsay. Don't forget your jimmy hats, and alcohol to sauce her up.
    [Polie]: I was having sex when you im'd me
    [Polie]: "SC2"
    [Polie]: I was like "bitch get off"
    [707]: rofl


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  6. #606
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    And video camera

    Quote Originally Posted by Dyndrilliac View Post
    Seriously, I have done a lot of drugs. A lot of ****ing drugs. I would snort a line of cocaine off a piss stained urinal in some truck-stop dive with my closest friends and family looking on in disgust before I took anything from somebody I didn't know and trust. That's just ****ing dumb.

  7. #607
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    I think the dinner turned into a homicide.
    [Polie]: I was having sex when you im'd me
    [Polie]: "SC2"
    [Polie]: I was like "bitch get off"
    [707]: rofl


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  8. #608
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    He hasn't finished with her yet

    Or, the boyfriend came home

    Quote Originally Posted by Dyndrilliac View Post
    Seriously, I have done a lot of drugs. A lot of ****ing drugs. I would snort a line of cocaine off a piss stained urinal in some truck-stop dive with my closest friends and family looking on in disgust before I took anything from somebody I didn't know and trust. That's just ****ing dumb.

  9. #609
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    I just haven't had time to type the post this ordeal deserves. But the short version is I hit it and I hit it well.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    trash hole ha ha jokes on u cuz im polishing my crest kids oral hygiene trophy right now. maybe if they invented a pillow case that cleans ur teeth when u bite it u would have a clean mouth too. get on my fukcin level.

  10. #610
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    Always a great read sandman. :-3
    College, gogo.

  11. #611

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    LOL gw do tell the story when u get the chance

  12. #612
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    After a few teases and failed attempts, on Sunday we set a date for the 10th (Wednesday) at 7:30. The day was of interest because both of us would be free any day of the week, so I thought she picked Wednesday because her live-in boyfriend would be out of the house then. He's of a type I usually refer to as BARN (big, angry redneck) and tends to go on fishing/hunting/camping/hardware store trips often. He also does concrete work that takes him out of the state for weeks at a time. So, depending on my ability to ignore the fact that he has several full gun racks and what I'd assume to be a pretty good idea of how to hide a body, the possibility of an ongoing affair would be easily plausible. This is something I made note of when I was buzzing and hadn't yet allowed myself to fully absorb the fact that I was actively trying to **** an old lady.

    Well, she's 48-ish. Not that bad, I guess.

    On Wednesday in the afternoon I started to feel the pre-game anxiety that I haven't felt since my man-whore superpowers manifested a few years ago. I hadn't talked to her since Sunday and began wondering if I got the wrong impression; Lindsay's mom may just be facetiously flirtatious, I thought, even though she hasn't been the many other times I've talked to her. Then I remembered stories about how she went wild after her first divorce and was bringing home a different random guy every night. Oh dear, she's an old whore. Hot-dog-down-decrepit-haunted-dry-hallway thoughts entered my head. Is this really going to be worth the bragging rights? And I wondered if she had ****ed any of Lindsay's old boyfriends. Or maybe all of them. Then there wouldn't be much to brag about and I will have had ****ed an old lady for naught. The worrying began to get exhausting, so I took a few pills and thought about mostly nothing for the remainder of the workday.

    She called me on the way to her house to make sure I was still coming. I told her I was going to pick up a bottle of pinot noir and she told me not to because they ("we") have "stuff" there. I didn't like the "we" so I kept the conversation going for a bit, trying to get more clues without directly asking. Then she said David (the BARN) was about to put the steaks on. I paused as the little anxiety I had left was replaced by confusion and disappointment, and I asked if I had read her wrong. She asked what I meant by that and I told her that she must admit she sounded like she invited me over for more than just dinner. Her reply didn't quite reassure me but I think it was meant to. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, medium rare, just like you like it. Pink in the middle."

    To be continued
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    trash hole ha ha jokes on u cuz im polishing my crest kids oral hygiene trophy right now. maybe if they invented a pillow case that cleans ur teeth when u bite it u would have a clean mouth too. get on my fukcin level.

  13. #613
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    Sounds to me the bf got wind of the dinner and volunteered to join, and when you called she couldn't be quite forthcoming. But hey, now she knows your angle so if she goes for it next time you know you're a shoe in

    Quote Originally Posted by Dyndrilliac View Post
    Seriously, I have done a lot of drugs. A lot of ****ing drugs. I would snort a line of cocaine off a piss stained urinal in some truck-stop dive with my closest friends and family looking on in disgust before I took anything from somebody I didn't know and trust. That's just ****ing dumb.

  14. #614
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    I was getting a bit tired of reading these. But that last one really hit the nail on the head again.

    I wonder what it's like to be you.



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  15. #615
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    I stopped there because I ran out of time.

    So anyway,

    As soon as I got there the BARN started grilling me like I was a teenager taking his daughter out on a date. I took it like he was testing my sense of humor like some sort of good ol' boy fellowship initiation. I may have lost points on account of him having never seen The Graduate, but he said he'd heard that I was a "straight-shootin', stand-up fella'," and that I was always welcome to stop by for dinner or to grab a few beers or whatever. We talked about muscle cars and our respective trades as Mrs. Robinson set the table for two people. And then he left. Cool guy.

    The art of the dinner conversation isn't something I feel I've yet mastered, although I can say with confidence that I'm a lot more smooth than most. With Lindsay's mom, though, I felt like I was being interviewed for a job I'm not qualified for and into which I'd have to BS my way. I particularly hated that she kept bringing up the topic of Lindsay and I. She was beginning to sound like a relationship counselor, saying she'd like to see us be together and get married, asking what would have to change for me to consider that, etc. "Just what the **** is going on here?" is the question that looped in my head. I tried to get off that subject until it became evident that the whole reason for the dinner was her playing match-maker, at which point I decided to be blunt. I told her that a romantic relationship with Lindsay wouldn't work because she's a trashy whore whom I'd never be able to trust, and that I was done with her on even a casual friend level because she's a lying **** whose interest in me is based entirely on my disposable income. "But I didn't come here to talk about that miserable bitch. I came here for you." I thought it sounded a little cheesy after I said it, but it got things going where they needed to go (the bedroom).

    It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Plumbing still works, and she left her shirt on. She was actually pretty wild for an older gal. I didn't instantly regret it like I thought I would. What I found alarming, however, was that she and Lindsay shared a lot of sexual mannerisms. Same pacing, same sounds, some of the same facial expressions. She even said a few things that Lindsay has said. Made me wonder what the hell went on in their house when Lindsay was younger. I'd go on but I don't want to create mental images.

    So, yeah, banged Lindsay's mom. Don't know if I'd want to do it again. Most of the excitement came from the fact that I was doing it behind BARN's back, and because I was banging Lindsay's mom. Didn't think to get any pictures to send her, though. Damn it.
    Quote Originally Posted by ston3rpimp69
    trash hole ha ha jokes on u cuz im polishing my crest kids oral hygiene trophy right now. maybe if they invented a pillow case that cleans ur teeth when u bite it u would have a clean mouth too. get on my fukcin level.

  16. #616
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    LOL wow I can't believe you did it. You wore a rubber right? She was prolly a whore just like Lindsay...
    7654321 1234567

  17. #617

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    haha gw

  18. #618
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    dude wtf this **** is so epic

  19. #619

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    i feel like there needs to be a doomsday clock for this thread

  20. #620
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    lmao good ****ing job

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