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Xthar
12-16-2008, 10:23 PM
1 week ago today my father passed away due to cancer, and i still cannot beleave that he is gone. I dont really want to post a big long topic here, but have any of you lost a close family member? If you have how did you cope with the loss of them? I feel like i'm on the verge of killing someone every time i think about how i seen him in the hospital. And for the love of god people please be respectful. Thanks.

Mookster
12-16-2008, 11:14 PM
It's not cut and dry. It's a painstakingly long process and contrary to what people often like to believe, it revolves around forgetting about that person and moving on, however wrong that may sound; people give themselves too hard of a time with the guilt surrounding that, but it's something you need to get over, or you'll end up dealing with even more grief than you have to.
Don't stop yourself from enjoying life because it feels wrong to do so after such a large tragedy; you'll only do damage to yourself and I'm fairly certain that loved one wouldn't want that. Halt yourself every time you feel restricted from something due to the death; take a second to think about what you'd normally do, and then do it. It'll take time but so long as you continue to look for/allow new things to make your life more interesting, it shouldn't take long.

Orchidomegaly
12-16-2008, 11:29 PM
I've never lost anybody so close like my dad. I can't say that i know exactly how you feel. I will tell you this though. You'll feel better in time if you decide to. To be honest and blunt you're probably going to feel like crap for awhile. You will come to a point however, after a certain amount of time, where you can decide to go on, live life, and be happy. I remember arriving at that point after a traumatic experience, and thinking how tempting it would to just stay depressed angry and bitter. It would of been what was expected of me. It would of given a strange type of satisfaction. You'll understand. anyway, i had to make the decision to be happy again and move on. It was definitely worth it.

Point being. You'll probably be sad for awhile. Just don't forget to be happy when you're ready.

For now. well its hard to say. everybody is different. Talking about it with someone who is close to you usually helps. Don't avoid it just because it makes you feel emotional and awkward. Talk with your family and your close friends. If you feel comfortable or desire to talk about the horrible experience of your dads death do so. In the end though its better to remember his life. Talking with a professional might help.

Without sadness there would be no happiness. The better you are able to understand sadness the better you are able to understand happiness.

Xthar
12-17-2008, 04:48 PM
Thank you guys, I actually talked to my mom today about seeing her therapist, She said that the therapist is sort of helping her along the road to recovery but i just don't feel comfortable talking about my problems to other people. Hopfully ill just eventually get used to the fact that im the man of the house now and i have to do pretty much everything my dad used to do for the family on my own.
And thank you KDS and KC.

Squid
12-17-2008, 07:45 PM
Damn man that's the worst. Best of luck in the long hard journey to better times. I lost one of my best friends back in May and that to me was pretty hard. I can't imagine losing my father. Just the thought makes me wanna roll up in a ball. Again sorry and I hope things get better for you.

Gore
12-18-2008, 07:22 PM
Thank you guys, I actually talked to my mom today about seeing her therapist, She said that the therapist is sort of helping her along the road to recovery but i just don't feel comfortable talking about my problems to other people. Hopfully ill just eventually get used to the fact that im the man of the house now and i have to do pretty much everything my dad used to do for the family on my own.
And thank you KDS and KC.

Yeah man, I know how you feel. I went through the same thing when my dad passed in 2k7.

But yeah, you need to come to terms with it. I think a therapist that I'm currently seeing may be helping a bit, but you really shouldn't see the same therapist as your mother. That's what I did at first, and it was just too awkward because she already knows everything about your mom.

It's a ****ed up situation, but you really have to find something you love to do and just do it.

Intangir
12-19-2008, 05:36 PM
i did make a post to you, but now it is gone..
someone deleted my post to you for some reason, it wasnt inappropriate i any way

K? Pŕo?ćtiόnŹ
12-19-2008, 05:55 PM
I'm sure it wasn't in some alternate reality, but stay the **** out of this thread. This is a serious thread, this man just lost his father and you're coming in trying to soothe him saying his dads alive in some alternate reality. Shut the **** up.

Deg™
12-19-2008, 08:13 PM
@Xthar

I feel you man, i know it can never compare to the pain you feel, but my parent's divorce tore me up pretty good too; just know that he would have wanted you to not let it hinder your future, he would have wanted you to perservere through your loss and remember him as you go on to succeed in life Once you have a child, i'm sure you'll want the same for him/her. Grieving is good and necessary, but don't let it consume you, you know?

@Intangir

I deleted your post because you were insensitively trying to sound smart in a very serious thread. Your alternate reality bull**** isn't going to help anyone unless they're as brain damaged as you.

Mookster
12-19-2008, 09:02 PM
@Intangir

I deleted your post because you were insensitively trying to sound smart in a very serious thread. Your alternate reality bull**** isn't going to help anyone unless they're as brain damaged as you.

Entertaining ideas outside of the simple pain for loss in death is exactly how most people cope through times like these. How do you think religion became such a huge part of the coping process?
He's entitled to his opinion, and offered it genuinely to help.

Xthar
12-21-2008, 06:50 PM
Entertaining ideas outside of the simple pain for loss in death is exactly how most people cope through times like these. How do you think religion became such a huge part of the coping process?
He's entitled to his opinion, and offered it genuinely to help.
On the topic of religion, During the time my dad got sick i started to beleave in god. I would pray everynight before i would go to sleep, Pray for all my friends and for good in the world. But after he passed i know for sure that there is no god.
Thank you all for your sympathy, iv been out alot this week with friends and stuff keeping my mind at ease. And as for my moms phycatrist, Gorgy, your were right i totally shouldent of seen him because he knew alot about me allready and knew things i dident want to hear. I allmost poped him stright in the face a couple of times. As for my mom she still seems really depressed but she started going back to work and shes not so spaced out anymore.

Fallen
12-22-2008, 11:03 PM
edit

han_han
12-23-2008, 03:01 AM
Now don't say that...perhaps God is testing you. Or perhaps he's a sadistic bastard who does bad things to good people for kicks. God exists, he's just not who everyone says he is.

TearsOfAngels
12-23-2008, 05:53 AM
Sorry for your loss. Things happen, we don't know why, but they do. I think I couldn't ever really compare to something like that.

I can't say I've lost a parent, but I can say I've lost a grandparent who was the only one of the four I had that I really got to know at all. Yes, we all spend the first few days bawling, even if it's on the inside, but Mook hit the nail square on the head. Moving on will hurt, and make you seem like you're heartless, but wishing you could change anything only makes you spiral lower.

And since he did ask us to share if we felt like it...

My grandmother died in 2005 after wasting away for three years in various hospitals. Towards the end, she couldn't even remember who I was. Like you, the experience destroyed any fledgling faith I could have had.

How did I cope? I played video games, I listened to my favorite music, I wrote lines and lines of poetry and I did things that made me happy, because she loved to see me smile.

Hope in some way, however insignificant, I helped.

Deg™
12-23-2008, 08:40 AM
On the topic of religion, During the time my dad got sick i started to beleave in god. I would pray everynight before i would go to sleep, Pray for all my friends and for good in the world. But after he passed i know for sure that there is no god.

The thing that's wrong about that is that some people just see God as a go-to guy when things are going badly, but just because he doesn't do exactly what we ask doesnt mean he doesnt love us and that he didn't answer prayer.

When i pray, i don't often pray for specifics, but i admit i would have in your situation. God may not have answered your prayer for your father in the way you wanted, but if you believe in heaven, you can know that your father is no longer in pain and is in a better place.

Sometimes he does things that we attribute to be bad, but it's all part of the plan; we just have to find the good in a bad situation i guess.

dogstar
12-23-2008, 11:41 AM
A few years back my nana (great-grandmother, I'm french Canadian) passed away and I was kinda in a similar boat. I found a really nice way of coping though. Ever since I was a kid she would always make these really good butterscotch candies (pretty much Chinese noodles with melted butterscotch chips on them) So I would make them anytime I thought of her and felt down, and It would always make me feel better.

Maybe you could try doing something that you enjoyed doing with your father or something that reminds you of him when your down, sometimes little things like that can really cheer you up.

I'm very sorry for your loss by cancer, my father had that when I was like 5, its a very sad thin to go through, even if it does end well like in my case.

Abrupt
12-23-2008, 08:06 PM
My grandma has cancer, and shes back in the hospital again. ****.

ScAreCroW
12-24-2008, 01:31 PM
Everyone copes with losses differently, but when my grandmother died, it took me awhile to adapt to the fact that she was gone. But once I did I realized that death just happens. And although, it's brutally awful, I simply remembered the good and the bad with our relationship. It's fine to be sad, don't fight it. And make sure you have someone really close to talk to about how you feel.

It's the worst when you get angry, either because you blame someone, or you don't think that it is fair that this happened. But honestly, do you think that the loved one you lost would want you to be angry? I don't.

You'll always have the memory of your loved ones, and that's another thing that helps, sit down with a few close people and discuss your memories of your lost loved one.

Sorry about your loss Xthar

Xthar
12-26-2008, 04:15 PM
Today, one of my friends died of the same cancer my dad had. She was only 20 years old... I think i am really going to lose my mind or somthing.

ScAreCroW
12-26-2008, 04:28 PM
I feel your pain, my best friend's grandmother, which I consider my own grandmother, fell down the stairs today. Probably won't make it.

Rough time for us NS boys

Xthar
12-26-2008, 04:46 PM
So many deaths here in November and December, Sorry about your grandmother i really hope she makes it, i dont want to anyone to feel what im feeling right now :(

707
12-28-2008, 02:07 PM
Sorry for your loss man.

Xthar
12-29-2008, 11:01 AM
WOW.... i feel like.. well i dont know but, Now my mother is in the E.R With a colapsed lung..... AHAHAHA I should shoot myself...

ScAreCroW
12-29-2008, 11:22 AM
**** man, you've got some rough times. Stop by bridgewater or halifax for some drinkin' and stonin'.

Sorry to hear all that.

Mello
12-30-2008, 12:24 AM
Wow sorry for all your losses, but if you really want to feel better maybe you should get out there and run some marathons or buy products that all fight cancer... I lost about 3 uncles to cancer in the last 4 years and sure I was sad for about a week but losing your father is 100x worse I bet.

AnAlbinoAligator
12-31-2008, 02:37 PM
1 week ago today my father passed away due to cancer, and i still cannot beleave that he is gone. I dont really want to post a big long topic here, but have any of you lost a close family member? If you have how did you cope with the loss of them? I feel like i'm on the verge of killing someone every time i think about how i seen him in the hospital. And for the love of god people please be respectful. Thanks.
Well guy, my dad died of cancer to but unfortunately or fortunately, not sure which, I was two when he passed so I never got to know him. What kind of cancer did he pass from?