Suicide

[Belphegor]

I lost someone last night... Someone close to me.

I didn't lose him to a crazy drunk driver, or to some homicidal maniac. I lost him to himself. At 8:00 my step father, Clifford Gates used a 20 gauge shotgun, and placed the barrel in his mouth. And continued to blow out the back of his head. He made this choice for what reasons Ill never know.

But for him, hes ok. He made his choice, and I hope hes happy with it. But its the people around him, that were close to him, and that knew him that are suffering. That's something people never realize. When your dead, your dead, there's no coming back, no changing your actions. There is nothing you can do, but help those who knew him and those that he was close with.

I found him, at 8:15, I checked his pulse, knowing what it would tell me, from seeing his face. But I find you need that closure, to finish it in your head. So I went to help the next person I could, my mother. It was a mortifying picture Ill never forget. The smell, the smell was of death. Like a gutted fresh deer. I still smell that. I think I always will.

I just ask, that if you or anyone you know is thinking about committing such an act, please, seek out someone you can talk to. Seek out those who love you, and tell them what's going through your head. Its a sickness. There's no logical reason for it. Its selfish, for one to make that decision, and change everyone's life around you for the worse. Granted, they will move on. But not with you. They have to find a way to move and live on without you.

Now we've covered the suicide discussion before, and I understand if you want to kill yourself do is. I'm happy with his decision if that's what he wanted. I'm merely posting this, to not help you if your thinking about suicide, or maybe someone you know it, but to help those around you. Like I said, when you die, that's it, your dead.

[ViperSRT3g]

Sorry for your loss, I personally can't understand what you may be going through as I have not lost anyone close to me through suicide, but of all people you lost a step father, and that I can understand.

[707]

Sorry to hear about that.

I lost my friend on the 19th of this month. I don't live there anymore so I hadn't talked to him in a couple of weeks. I talked to his cousin and he said they were having a good time at a party, and he went home after the party and took his own life. He was really drunk and must have had alot on his mind, and just said **** it.

[Sinz]

Sorry for you loss belph

[Astrish]

My older brother lost his best friend, hung himself at a temple in Utah. It's pretty terrible.

I'm really sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family can find peace.

[Aberrant]

Truly sorry for your loss Belph, and sorry you had to walk in on it.

I understand completely how the smells can be one of the biggest things to stick in your head. The chopper crash I was at in 99 had the smell of jet fuel everywhere, it is strange how the smell will imprint with some of the more gruesome details. For a little while after, every time I shined my boots I would remember, didn't know boot polish and jet fuel smelt similar until then lol.

Having both lost my mother and been witness to horrible deaths I can tell you it will pass. It isn't always the easiest, but it will pass. Just try to get some closure and try to talk about it a little, which you have already done well in your post.

[Gore]

I am so sorry for your loss. Having to walk in on death is just ****ing awful, if you need to talk, you know how to get ahold of me.

My older brother lost his best friend, hung himself at a temple in Utah. It's pretty terrible.

I'm really sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family can find peace.

I'd kill myself if I was in Utah, too.

[FlamingAsterix]

I am truly sorry for your loss Belph. Suicide is never an easy thing to understand or cope with in any situation. I knew someone who stood in front of a train.
My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Orchidomegaly]

Wow. I can't imagine what thats like. sorry, I must say though, Belphegor, you're pretty good at writing. You should try to publish your story somewhere.

[Jax]

I understand what you are going through. I lost my uncle the same way, and know how it feels to be going down that path. People who are suffering don't really think of their family and friends when they contemplate taking their own life. All they can do is think of all the hurt, and how exhilarating it would be to not feel the hurt anymore.

It will be 2 years in February that my uncle took his own life. My grandpa found him and is still coping with the loss. My uncle would be devastated to know how much hurt my grandparents feel because of his passing. I hope your family finds the ability to not dwell on his death, because he would want them to feel the happiness that he could not. Remember, cherish his life not his death.

[Death(innocent)]

im no stranger to death then any of you, when was 9, i watched my grandmother slowly die, it was extremely sad, but it passed since then i really haven't felt the same way about death, i really haven't seen it at most do - a tradegy, well maybe i see it as a tragedy, but for some reason, i just dont get depressed or sad as most do in similar situations

[Dukath]

Death - we never lose the smell of your handiwork....

I've seen it before. One of my friends was recently diagnosed bipolar - sometimes I wonder if he's gonna jump out a window. Those meds don't do miracles....

[Mobilus]

I am sorry for your loss.

I have done some research into suicide contagion and it is a serious issue. Did anyone close to your uncle commit suicide or talk about it to him? Often times when someone close to you commits suicide then you might take it more seriously and wonder how someone you loved would be willing to take their own life. Your own empathy at that point becomes an open door for consideration of suicide. The stat.s on this show an alarming trend that people close to others who commit suicide are 30 times more likely to do it themselves than someone else with no association with it.

[Belphegor]

I do believe that statistic, as I've found my mother occasionally mentioning strange things, when she has a bad spell, and not taking her current prescribed adavan. To my knowledge, no one in his life ever committed this act. And thank god my mother, or so I believe is much stronger then that. I cant blame her for thinking it, I've even thought about it since then.

[IversonAli3]

Why on earth would you be thinking about suicide? You mentioned in your first post that you understood the pain and misery inflicted to those close to the person, most suicidal people dont care about that.
In my opinion, people who commit suicide are nothing but cowards. They cant deal with the stress and pain of life, and decide to relieve themselves of it by handing it out to everyone else close to them.

[FlamingAsterix]

What about those who have legitimate chemical imbalances in the brain altering how they perceive things, the true "depression".

[Mookster]

Blame what you want on the chemical mind; people are the chemical make-up of their minds'.
Cowardice can be one way to look at it, but you can't necessarily expect someone to live in complete and utter uninterest/misery for too long without wanting to do it. People don't understand what depression is; when your interest in life is so shot down that you don't care whether or not you wake up, but you have to because if you stop maintaining your life as it is, you'll not only be bored, but also antagonized by the troubles (interpersonal, financial, and whatever else have-you) that come when life gets ahead of you, it makes suicide seem like a very viable option. To some people life is that bland, and while you have no interest in trying to make it better, you know it can get alot worse if things slide, so you have to keep on going. That prospect is miserable when you have nothing left that enthuses you.
I couldn't particularly blame anyone for committing suicide, having experienced a bit of depression, myself; and no, I wouldn't consider it myself for even a moment, but I can empathize and understand how it could become real to someone with a heavy chemical imbalance.

[Belphegor]

Why on earth would you be thinking about suicide? You mentioned in your first post that you understood the pain and misery inflicted to those close to the person, most suicidal people dont care about that.
In my opinion, people who commit suicide are nothing but cowards. They cant deal with the stress and pain of life, and decide to relieve themselves of it by handing it out to everyone else close to them.

Not now, but at some point in my mind I have. Like when I was 13, lost my first girlfriend after 4 years. But the thought came as quickly as it went. I think a lot of people at least think about it once, but many never act on, and never will.

[DSG]

Mook is right. None of you may realize this but I was diagnosed earlier in my life with Major Depression. When you are that depressed suicide actually feels an option as irrational as it sounds when you aren't depressed. There is no way to properly describe the utter misery that is deep depression. It's even worse when all the doctors want to do is throw medication at it rather than help you actually deal with whats causing it. Think about what it would be like if you woke up every day with nothing to live for or care about, everything, even sex was so horribly boring and uninteresting that you preferred just to lay around and sleep. Clinical depression is no laughing matter and unless you have experienced it yourself don't be so quick to pass judgment. The real problem here is the horrible state of the psychiatric industry and how people that need help are just getting medication that never solves the problem and can even make the depression worse underneath the surface. Anybody that thinks there isn't a connection should take a look at the facts, suicide and depression rates are highest in states that have the worst mental health systems. For instance Utah is ranked as the worst state for mental health and they have the highest suicide and depression rates in the country. I hate to tell you guys this but you better buckle up because this recession is going to get worse before it gets better and theres going to be a lot of depressed people that just can't take it anymore. If you have family members or friends that are struggling or are down, give them a call and spend time with them. If anything this is the best thing you can do. Without the proper support from friends and family there are going to be a lot more tragedies similar to what has happened to belph if indeed as i suspect this economy is going to get much worse.

[CrazyGerbilEater]

lol i was a very depressed person during the end of elementary and all through middle school. Bored by life to such a degree that I saw no point in doing anything at all, so I just slept all the time and wandered around reading books, because at least my day dreams weren't as boring as life was. I read through every class and break in between class and at home. I would do alot of reckless things with explosives/heights/thin ice over a pond thingy(it was actually pretty big pond, probaly a good 10 feet deep or more in the middle.) with my bike as well. I didn't see a point in killing myself in a boring way, I'd rather die from doing something mildly entertaining. Everyone at school thought i was on drugs all the time, pretty funny.

but I got over it by turning my view of the world into a giant joke from a giant grey tone peice of crap, so now i watch alot of comedy and play games most of the time.

wristcutters:a love story was a very interesting take on what happens with suicides.